It's Funny What You See When You're Sitting On The Couch
Note: This is post is completely non-geeky, entirely personal, has no references to coding, contains only a drive-by reference to computers and the net, and links to a blog that is completely and utterly not safe for work. If you only want to read about code, or are offended by graphic nudity, then don't bother reading any further. You've been warned.
Sometimes you see the strangest sights - and sometimes you don't even have to leave your home to do it. Last night I was sitting on the couch minding my own business when I realised something.
I'm sitting in my lounge room looking at my wife who was looking at naked pictures of an ex of mine.
Yes, that's right. It sounds like the beginnings of some fantasy that you read about in the letters section of certain men's magazines, but never in real life, doesn't it?
Perhaps some explanation is in order. It's a twisting road, but let's see if you can travel it with me.
Before I met my wife I lived for a few years with my ex. In the spirit of not really wanting to say anything too bad (I've got past that...well, in public anyway...well, I don't swear as much anymore when talking about her) let me just say that in hindsight it's pretty clear now that it was never going to work between us, that I was a fool for the time I wasted, and I honestly have no idea what I ever saw in her.
Actually, wait. No, not a fool. I don't regret it - it taught me many important things; things like how to tell that you're living with a psycho, what sort of things I will NOT put up with in a relationship ever again, what I expect from a sane person, things of that nature. You know, useful life skills that your parents really can't teach you. I do wish I'd taken less time to learn these lessons than 5 or so years that it did take, but if there's something valuable to be gained at the end, then it's not a waste of time.
So suffice it to say while I don't feel any pain about it, at the same time I don't really have any 'happy' memories of that time. I don't miss her, I don't wonder what might have been, I don't even find her attractive (I honestly don't know how I ever did - and by the end of this you can see what I mean for yourself, but that's young love for you).
Oh look, there's a bend in that twisting road I mentioned.
*twist*
Last week the news broke that my widdle baby sister Deb has a bun cooking in her oven. Tee Hee Hee - I know what she's been doing! Hang on. Gross! I don't want to know what she's been doing. The baby was conceived immaculately right?
This is very cool. Not only is another Appleby breeding (well, possibly this is a good thing) but it's the one that lives close to me, so we'll be able to visit lots and Sam (my youngest) will have someone to play with :)
Aside: Go on everyone. Go leave a comment on her blog asking her if she's going to get married. She loves being asked *evil grin*
*twist*
My little sis actually had a small part to play in the breakup actually. No, it wasn't her fault or anything, that's not what I'm saying. It's just that the final straw that caused me to end it was when she abused Deb so much in an email that it ended up with my mother on the phone in tears telling me that Heidi (that's my ex's name) wasn't welcome at their house anymore. You can do what you like to me, but you leave me family alone.
Bye!
*twist*
In all the congratulatory comments that were left there was one from a complete stranger. This complete stranger used a LiveJournal account that was being used as an anonymous blog about...well, personal things - you know, not safe for work kinds of things...but it wasn't hard for Deb to think that she'd guessed who it was...and to send me a link to double check.
It's only fair I suppose. Deb's been scarred for life now in seeing it, so it's only fair that I get some more scarring too :) I had to look at the pictures to confirm - and yes, having been there and done that *laughs* I can say that while I wish I didn't, I can recognise all the different, umm, parts, that are on display.
*twist*
So while I didn't want to look, it was highly amusing that it existed. Even more amusing that it's been found. And of course, we need to share the scarring right? So I of course forwarded the link to my wife.
As you do. As I'm sure she wishes I didn't *grin*
So yes. Last night I was sitting on the couch in my lounge room, not really doing anything in particular, just sittin' and chillin' and flickin' channels. From the lounge room I can see straight into the computer room (since the computer room at my house is where most people would put their dining table). And I could see my wife looking at naked pictures (the link doesn't work now - see below) of my ex.
This was not a fantasy coming true. This is a letter that I won't be sending to any magazines.
*twist*
But sometimes I can be a bit of a sadist. Man it was funny watching her face as she realised what she was looking at. That totally made it worth it in the end :)
The moral of the story? If you're going to leave a comment on my sister's blog, and in doing so you leave a link to ugly naked pictures of yourself, and in doing that you can be identified - I am going to notice, and I am going make it public, and I am going to link the world to a site where you really should be making more of an effort to keep it secret (I'm presuming it's supposed to be a secret identity, anyway).
There was what she did to my sister before, and now she does this? Stupid! Leave my family alone - didn't you get the message last time?
Ok, I'm done now.
Update: Wow, that didn't take long - less than 24 hours. The sites gone now. Heh - mission accomplished.